The Humans Are Not Ok - April 2026

April 2026, Volume 2, Issue 4

Where whiskers meet mischief. Curated chaos, cat-approved.

Breaking News: The Humans Are Not Okay

- filed by Mika & Koji , on behalf of the Feline Community

We would first like to acknowledge the rare and questionable decision made by our human (hereafter referred to as “MaMa”) to hand over control of this month’s Newsletter.

Frankly, we’re not sure what she was thinking.

However, after careful consideration—and a brief interruption involving a red dot that absolutely required our attention—we have agreed to take on this responsibility in the interest of feline public service.

Because, quite simply…

The humans are not okay.

We have spent the past month observing their behavior. Closely. Critically. From elevated surfaces.

And what we have witnessed is… concerning.

There has been excessive screen staring.

Unnecessary stress over things that could easily be ignored. And a deeply troubling increase in what can only be described as “organized chaos” (MaMa insists on calling this “spring cleaning,” but we see through the lies).

Mika (Tortie, Supervisor of All Things Questionable) would like it noted that:

“If it was on the table before, it belonged on the table. Moving it was a mistake.”

Koji (Black, White-Spotted Gentleman, Head of Nighttime Operations) has expressed additional concerns regarding:

“The unacceptable delay in breakfast service. On multiple occasions.”

Naturally, as responsible members of the feline community, we could not stand by and do nothing.

So, for the remainder of this report, we will be outlining:

• The most alarming human behaviors observed in April
• Our professional (and correct) feline assessments
• And what you, as a human, can do to improve your performance moving forward

You’re welcome.

Junior Editors In Training, Mika and Koji

The Snarkiest Of Cats 🐈

The Scratching Post Press

Top Human Infractions

Compiled by Mika & Koji, who saw everything... unfortunately

After a full month of surveillance (and several forced naps we did not consent to), we have identified the most pressing issues currently plaguing humanity.

We present our findings.

1. The "I'll Just Sit for a Minute" Incident

This is perhaps the most widespread problem.

Humans sit down “for a minute”… and then do not move for hours.

During this time, they:

• Stare at glowing rectangles (the TV)
• Ignore perfectly available cats (us'ins)
• Fail to provide snacks in a timely manner (disgraceful)

Mika would like to clarify:

“If you are sitting, you are available. This is not complicated.”

2. Spring Cleaning (A Crime Against Comfort)

We were led to believe our homes were properly arranged.

Then suddenly—chaos.

Items removed. Blankets folded. Favorite spots disrupted.

Koji has issued a formal complaint:

“I had a system. It involved that pile. The pile is now gone. Explain yourself.”

We are currently monitoring this situation closely.

3. The Sewing Interference Problem

We understand that Mom believes she is “working.”

However, from our professional standpoint, what she is actually doing is:

• Moving fabric around unnecessarily
• Ignoring supervisory input
• Attempting to use tools that clearly belong to us

Mika (Head of Quality Control) states:

“If I am sitting on the fabric, it has passed inspection. Proceed accordingly.”

Koji (Thread Management Specialist) adds:

“The string is not ‘thread.’ The string is mine.”

Despite these challenges, we will admit… some of the final products meet our standards.

(We do not say this lightly.)

4. Inconsistent Meal Scheduling

Let us be absolutely clear.

Breakfast time is not a suggestion.
Dinner time is not flexible.
Snacks are not optional.

And yet… delays continue.

Koji, who has taken this particularly personally, reports:

“I have had to remind her. Repeatedly. Loudly. At 3am.”

We assume this is a training issue.

5. Emotional Overcomplication

Humans have developed a habit of making things… harder than necessary.

Overthinking. Over-planning. Over-stressing.

Meanwhile, the correct approach is obvious:

• Find a sunny spot
• Take a nap
• Ignore unnecessary nonsense

Mika concludes:

We agree.

Final Assessment

Humans remain highly trainable… but progress is slow.

We will continue our observations and provide further guidance as needed.

In the meantime, if you are looking for items that have been thoroughly inspected, sat on, and reluctantly approved by feline authorities…

Mom has managed to produce a few acceptable pieces.

(We allowed it.)

You may view them here:

Love And A Cat - Kitty Bandana

Proceed wisely. We'll be watching.

Until next month,
Mika & Koji
Representing the Feline Community

From the Editor-in-Chief (a.k.a. The One Who Pays the Bills)

Because credit will be given... when earned

Well… I’m not entirely sure handing over the Newsletter to two cats was my best decision—but here we are.

I will say this: Mika and Koji took their roles *very* seriously. Possibly too seriously. There were multiple “editorial meetings” (held on top of my fabric), several enforced breaks (for them, not me), and at least one incident involving a missing pen that I’m still not convinced wasn’t intentional.

That said… they’re not wrong.

As much as I’d like to defend all of us humans, I can’t argue with most of their findings. The chaos, the overthinking, the constant busyness—we do tend to make things harder than they need to be. Meanwhile, these two have mastered the fine art of living well: nap often, demand what you need, and don’t apologize for taking up space.

So yes—full credit where it’s due.

Mika, for her unwavering commitment to “quality control” (especially when it involves sitting directly on whatever I’m working on)…

And Koji, for his dedication to nighttime supervision and his very vocal stance on timely meals.

They’ve made it clear they’d be more than happy to take over again next month. I’ll… consider it.

In the meantime, thank you for being here, for reading, and for supporting what I do—even when it’s clearly being run (and judged) by cats.

Until next time—
Stay a little less chaotic, a little more cat-like… and maybe don’t move that pile.

Stay feisty,

— The Scratching Post Press 😼

Snarky Cat Boutique
www.SnarkyCatBoo.com

Albuquerque, New Mexico